Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
