VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
