please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
