You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
