i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
