omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
