Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
