its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
