I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
