Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
