Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
