i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize