So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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