I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
