Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
