You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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