Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
