i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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