we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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