So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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