he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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