wat bout pragnant strippers??
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
