oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
