I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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