The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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