I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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