i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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