I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
