I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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