You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
where am i from again
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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