remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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