I hate your face
Just cropdusted the office
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he laminated a picture of his dick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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