people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
