So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
