I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
