I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
