Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
