I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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