If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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