i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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