He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
