is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
