i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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