I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I came so hard my ears popped.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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