Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
