She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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