Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
