Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
