i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
