Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
