Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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