I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
