She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
