***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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