living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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