how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sober January is a disaster.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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