Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We are two peas in an std pod
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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