I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
