Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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