He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
