I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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