You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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