why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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