would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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