Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
