he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
