"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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