Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
